it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
