oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
