If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
