I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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