yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
