If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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