i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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