i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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