I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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