just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
