Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
