I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
