i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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