What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
