She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
