When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
