was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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