Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
