Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
