Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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