I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
