just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
