Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
