I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
