the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
