so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
