There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
