i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
