I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
