i think my mom watched the whole time
its not stalking. its research.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
