i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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