So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
