I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
