I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
