I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
