she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
