he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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