U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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