I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
