your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
