I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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