i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
