i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
