i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
