if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
