the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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