Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
