You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
