I'm gonna have a badass scar
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
