I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
