Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
