hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You're like the curious george of whores
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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