So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
